Ok. So I’ve been slacking. I had a blog post…two weeks ago. It was a good one. You’ll have to trust me on this because it appears it disappeared into the blogger abyss. There’s nothing worse than writing a really long and thoughtful article/blog post and then finding out later that *poof* it’s gone! (I realize now that this may have been a divine thing.) I’ve realized, when God calls us to do things, how easily our pride can get wrapped up in it. I remember finishing my post thinking, “this is good…and slightly controversial…but it’s so right on!” Then I realized: I’m writing this to encourage other people not to show people how awesome I am and how well I analyze things. (Which, at the end of the day, really isn’t that great.) Wow. That was humbling. Anyway, so here’s my post…which is totally unrelated to the post that’s floating around in the land of lost reports, articles, and blog posts.
It’s hard to be positive when things happen like the earthquake in Japan and the devastating tsunami that followed. Throughout the day, videos were being uploaded one by one. I sat and watched as it was all caught on tape. Watching the wall of water swallow cars that, seconds earlier, were speeding down the road trying to get away. On days like that, it’s hard not to allow the negativity to seep in. It breaks our hearts...and it should.
As days followed, reports started coming in of death tolls, nuclear fears, devastation, and heartbreak. There were rumors of future earthquakes in California, and media coverage of the impending war in Libya that was hard to avoid. With all of this going on around us, how do we stay positive? How to we fight off the negativity that tugs at our hearts? How to find the answer to that nagging question: “Why?”
I wish I had the answers to this. I wish I could write this paragraph with some inspirational and encouraging word that would make us all feel better. All I can do is continue to remind myself how big my God is. I can’t make sense of these things. Watching these videos, it’s as if I’m watching a Hollywood Blockbuster film. Boats and cars floating over homes like toys in a bath tub. A friend of mine sent me a video that a man shot from the ground as the water was coming in. He slowly moved up a concrete ramp as the water quickly rose. I watched as the businesses across the street filled with water and then slowly lifted from their foundations and were swept away. I can’t wrap my head around that.
Then there are stories I hear like the 80 year old woman that was pulled from the rubble 3 days after the event and survived. I hear about the doctor who, after losing his wife and patients, continued to serve his community and help administer much needed medical aid. (This amazes me.) I hear about groups like Compassion that were there immediately after helping with rescue efforts. I hear about celebrities who are giving thousands of dollars to relief efforts. I hear about people I know donating to the Red Cross. It’s easy to feel so small when watching these things take place from the other side of the globe. We think, “What can I do? I’m just one person.” I am encouraged by the people that choose not to entertain that thought and see the bigger picture. I hear these stories, and I see hope.
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I’ve lost count of the days. I’m not sure what day of this fast I’m on. In the beginning, I counted the days. Every day was a challenge and I celebrated a small victory at the end of it. I thought, “This is challenging. I anticipated that. I can do this!” Now I’m a few weeks in and it’s becoming even more challenging than I thought. I think to myself, “Am I STILL doing this? Really? Come on! Can’t this be over already?” Complaining? Negativity? Yeah. It finds it’s way in. It’s easy to be less conscious of these things as time goes on. I have to work at being aware of my thoughts, my reactions, and the things I say.
That being said, I will end with this: Living outside of negativity is not a 40 day project that will end on Easter Sunday. It’s not something that I’m trying out and will go back to my old ways at the end of it. Why would I want to? Who enjoys being around a negative person? I see this as a way of conditioning me to live better. To trust in God’s strength. To know that, at the end of the day, no matter how bad it was, I’m still me…and Jesus is still my savior…and His promises still stand. That’s where I find my hope. That’s where I let go of the negativity and choose joy.
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